So drunk its hurt
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
