I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
