You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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