Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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