i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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