ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
