omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
there is glitter all over my balls
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
