i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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