I hate your face
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
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