You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
