Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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