If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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