Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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