I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
