...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
sex in a hospital.. check
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
