Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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