Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
