sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
