So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
