she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
