a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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