the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
