I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
