hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
