Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
