i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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