youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
