I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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