I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
