Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Is it because I queefed?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
