Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
