He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
