Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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