State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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