I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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