Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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