My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
