Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
FUCK WHALES
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
