dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I wish my penis had an off switch
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize