I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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