my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
