Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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