im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
