We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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