this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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