How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i will never coherently bang her
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
