Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
