your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
