how can u be prego again
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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