I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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