College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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