Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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