Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i drank out of a bidet.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
