he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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