All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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