Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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