I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
