Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
