also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
