dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I smell stomach acid.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
