i think i scared a bird with my dick
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
