Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He's a Shit stain on my heart
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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