im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
