worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
