I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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