There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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