I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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