I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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