I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
too bad you live with your parents still
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
