insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize