God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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