a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
