dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
