hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
