my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
