Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
