The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
